LOCAL WALLYGOES TO MEXICO!
LOCAL WALLY
Follow Pepe to the Hot Spots!
What's the first thing that pops in your mind when you think of Mexico? If you said "LOBSTERS", then you're on Local Wally's wavelength. That's right - an hour or so south of the border is a great little lobster village called Puerto Nuevo and Local Wally is going to show you how to get there, and how to have a great time that you will not soon forget. Wait a Second! I thought Local Wally said not to go to Mexico! Ahhh, I knew a smart reader would catch that. But guess what? You're wrong. You see, Local Wally doesn't say to avoid Mexico, I say to avoid Tijuana. TJ is a big depressing city filled with poverty and corruption. No bueno. But once you get beyond TJ it's a different story. Stunning coastline (ignore the shacks), great golf, fun pottery shops, and...LOBSTERS!
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Whoa, slow down a bit. Before you cross the border, make sure you do the following:
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As you cross the border into Tijuana, don't be shocked and turn back. Look, I told you it's a mess there but don't worry, you'll soon (hopefully) be out of town and on your way. Your first task is to get to the toll roads. Follow the signs that say "ROSARITO/ENSENADA" and look for the sign at the bottom of the hill that says "Rosarito/Puerto Nuevo/Ensenada Cuota." "Cuota" is the Toll Road - You want that road! Driving in this area is hazardous, so drive defensively and stay out of trouble.
LOCAL WALLY WHY NOT JUST DO TIJUANA TIP: I try to be nice. I really do. But when it comes to visiting TJ, I put that one in a DON'T GO category. If you're thinking pinatas and mariachi bands, you might be surprised to see legless beggers on skateboards (I am not making a joke), starving children (with their manager Mom's watching from a distance), filth, and poverty. Oh yeah, OK, I'm guilty of going there myself now and then to get a taco and a Corona, but this is your vacation and TJ universally gets a "biggest waste of time" from tourists. If you must go, park on this side of the border and walk across. Do not go at night. Do not get drunk! And don't blame Wally!
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Once you are on the toll road, you're set for a bit. Of course, every now and then you'll have to pass another toll booth. Each toll is about $2. You can stop at the various places along the way if you like - Rosarito Beach has "horses" you can ride on the beach (or are they burros? I can't tell) and if you want to visit Foxploration Studios this is your chance. Me, I got lobsters on my mind so I keep driving. About 45 minutes to an hour from the border you will spot a sign for Puerto Nuevo. That's it - get off the toll road and keep driving south. You really can't miss it once you are off the toll road as there will be a string of cars all trying to do the same thing - and trust me, the Mexicans don't want you to miss it either. There are huge dirt lots (not free) that your car sort of gets sucked into. Once you park, put on your best adventure attitude and start exploring. |
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There's no shortage of little shops selling jewelry, t-shits, and all kinds of stuff that you won't want to live without. Don't be afraid to barter if you want something. In fact, you NEVER pay their asking price. Think of it like you're buying that new Mercedes instead of a sombrero and you'll be on the right track! Also, know that many of the vendors have exactly the same stuff, so don't buy the first set of maraccas you see as they are most likely cheaper right down the street. High end shopping, No. But fun, Yes! And don't forget - you can get booze a lot cheaper here than in the states, so a bottle of Cazedores tequilla might find its way back in your suitcase. |
But you didn't drive all the way down here for a stinking T-shirt!
That's right, I remember. You wanted lobster. But before we get there, a bit of history on Puerto Nuevo and their lobsters. Puerto Nueveo started as a tiny fishing village. That is, until someone in 1956 decided it would be a GREAT idea to sell their lobster catch to the folks in Rosarito. Before you know it, the idea of dropping a spiny California bug into hot oil and serving it with beans, rice, tortillas, and salsa became a huge phenomenon.
For the longest time, lobsters were cheap and plentiful. $6 a large lobster was the price, washed down with a cheap (and strong) margarita. Muy bueno! Unfortunately, times have changed and you can forget about getting a cheap lobster now. Oh sure, you'll see plenty of signs on the street for cheap lobster, and you'll most likely be handed a flyer the second you enter the area with claims of "All You Can Eat" or "5 Tails" - but be wary, and expect to pay $25 per lobster.
| Help Me Wally! How do I choose a good restaurant?? It's actually easier than you think. As you walk down the street, you'll notice that there are multiple restaurants with "Ortega" in their name. That's because Ortega knows a good thing when he sees it and figured the more restaurants he opened, the better the chance your dollar will end up in his wallet. And that's good, because Ortega's is a great place to dine on lobsters - nice and predictable, almost like dining in an American restaurant. My favorite is Ortega's Patio at the end of the street. It's a brick building with ocean view.
WARNING, WARNING: Beware of the mariachi band that travels through the restaurant. If they stop at your table, shoo them away like you would a band of weasels because once you make eye contact and they start to play, you owe them money. Not a tip. I mean real money - like $5 a song! Don't worry - they'll find a sucker somewhere near you who will ask them to play Besame Mucho. Listen to Wally and you'll get all that mariachi experience without being ripped off. |
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There are plenty of other good restaurants as well, notably La Casa de Langosta (long lines, but some folks swear this is the best place), The Lobster House (nice, large restaurant that caters to tourists) and Puerto Nuevo II (some claim this place has the best food). Be wary of some of the tiny lobster shops as they sometimes serve up frozen lobster during off season.
Now here's the way it works. When you sit down, a waiter will come by with a tray of lobsters to show you the size. At first you might be attracted to the football sized lobster ("Yea baby!"), but resist that temptation - giant lobsters are tough. Get the large size, typically about $25. Do NOT get the medium, even though you think it might be a better deal (wives sometimes think like that) because I am convinced that if you don't get a large, you automatically get a small - and will pay for a medium. I usually get a lobster apiece for each person, and then add a half lobster for each man.
One thing you might notice is that Spiny Lobster has no claws. But that doesn't mean there's no meat up around the legs and head, so dive in and crack the shell and get every last piece of tasty lobster meat. Wrap it in a tortilla and you are set to go. And please - don't shy away from the deep fried lobster and order the steamed one. It's deep fried, but it is not greasy, and you'll rarely get this type of lobster elsewhere so put aside your Atkins book and just go for it. It's fantastic! You can also get excellent shrimp dishes at most of the restuarants, as well as traditional carne asada (thinly sliced beef). I usually avoid oysters in Mexico. I don't know, it just seems risky :-)
The margaritas are very strong, and Wally usually orders them by the pitcher to save costs. I know, pitchers of margaritas usually mean sickenly sweet lime aid with a splash of booze, but I have not found this to be the case. The pitchers have been full octane every time I've been, and hopefully they will be for you as well. Final note - you can't barter price for food, or at least I have never been successful at it. Unless you speak fluent Spanish and look Mexican, I seriously doubt you can get a discount at any of the larger restaurants.
If you have the time on the way back, a great stop is Calafia, a very scenic area (prettier than Puerto Nuevo). Stop in at the Calafia Hotel and have a final margarita before you head back (You guys are going to owe your designated driver big time!). Worth a stop, as is Rosarito Beach if you missed it coming down. My only tip is that you do eveything possible to be back in the US before sundown as Mexico can get a bit scarey after dark - at least for me!
LOCAL WALLY HOT GOLF TIP: If you like the frustrating game of golf, consider Bajamar. A spectacular ccean view golfing experience!
Lines to get back into the US can be long, so just be patient and watch for crazy drivers who will do anything to get a car length in front of you. As you approach the border, there is a "secret" right lane on the other side of the booths (you'll see what I mean when you get there) that is sometimes faster. This is also you last chance to buy that Bart Simpson piggybank, so if you want it, yell out your window as you creep by the booths and they will be happy to sell it to you. Remember - barter! Crossing the border will require you ID, and no goofing around (i.e. Do not say "Osama, you doing OK under the seat?") unless you LIKE being delayed.
And that's the end of your Mexican experience. Time to get that designated driver a drink!
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